new years resolution

hamster on a wheel, monkey in a cage, running to stand still, free falling......hmmm. somehow i have gone from cliche metaphors to light rock.....very telling indeed. i love january. january to me is like september. odd, yes, but makes sense no? september is thrust upon us with the start of school and change and january is thrust upon us by the ole calendar. at any rate, i am the type that needs the STOP that these dates provide me. so here we are, january 19. mike and i had our first date - jan 19 1990. well, i use date loosely, as after he dropped his girlfriend off he came back to the bar to take me to perkins......well if that is not laying the stage for some serious romance i am not sure what is.....so here we are 2010. my ny resolution was simple, change something in my schedule. i have done that. a women's ski program every thurs. so frivolous and delicious. but change none the less. thought that may satiate me some but instead has only made me want more. that is good i suppose. exciting. so now do i change my resolution? or do i say voila - nicley done, and only the 19th.....oh i would like to slip into that pant suit. nah....i think i will add a nice jacket......to breathe and look into loved ones eyes when they are in my presence. see where that gets me.

importing pics

just looking at nicely done monday. wtf is the pic i downloaded there? is it a women with a boner? or a revved up 70's dude in high heels? either way i am confused. i endeavour to do better.

late night musings

tucking chloe into bed on friday night she looked at me and in a sleepy voice said, moma i wish i had a sister. sigh. this comes up a lot with her at tuck in time. how i would love to be the mother of four adult children. i am almost 100% sure there will be no more children in this house....well, at least 2 legged ones...i just don't think we could weather another baby and selfishly i am enjoying feeling myself return, feeling my relationship settle, being present with the three healthy vibrant kids i already have. but sigh none the less. i have always wanted a sister. i had cousins whom i adored and imitated with at times a v single white female flavour. i did however have a bro who was my best pal. we would move seamlessly from beating each other to a pulp, to biking to 7 11 for slurpees, to having barbie pick up the 6 million dollar man in her corvette. chloe has 2 brothers but we all know that 3 is a crowd or at least different than 2. my boys are tight and they are boys. they are naturally drawn to each other, to lego, to shooting nerf guns, to hockey. hence the little voice asking for a sister, to make her 1, 2. i smiled at her and said here is the thing, when you don't have a sister your friends fill that void. i have been so lucky to have such glorious, riotous, brilliant girlfriends. AND i got to choose them. so dear chloe, enjoy your sisters from another mista.