i feel like the datsun 510 that my bro and i drove ( i say that very loosely), the car that my friends learnt to drive standard on, that would not start first try but would continue running long after keys had been removed.....the car that i would crawl out of the hatch at the u of m - that's manitoba bitches - hollah....because the parking was too tight, the car that had the tape that connected to the walkman....u know what i am talking about........you do.... )yeesh - that all really sounds like a slightly dirty homage to myself - HOLLAH!
home after almost a month in the mother country and i am at sail without an anchor. it is a funny thing to consider living out your life in a country you were not born into. a strange dance that you engage in. this dance i dance is subtle, but it is there. maybe it is not so much the country as it is the people. or maybe it is both. we live, i feel in an insular enviro.....not of the choosing but of geography. both mike and i grew up with all kinds of family around. cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmas , grandpa, great this and that's, aunts that were not aunts but were moms bffs, lots and lots of misc wonderful people who were of all ages and talents that were drawn together. fuck. i have said it. it breaks my heart that my kids will never know this. i love mpls, i love our lives here, i LOVE our dear dear friends, but i yearn for the imposed chaos that geog brings you. i love that kids learn to see more than kids moms and dads........this feels very suburban to me, that which i have strived not to create. ugh......this brings me to canada. this is why we disappear to the north. we are dipping our children like a giant oreo cookie into a big glass of milk - into a big vat of "geography". this summer it was a month, next summer i hope longer. there is something magical that happens when it clicks.....when you see your kids talking to your aunt or your sister, when you see them connect. when you see them learn something, be it golf, or canoeing or the fact that the bag in the boxed wine can be used as a floatation device....oh wait, that is my youth.....hah! soon to pass along that nugget to my kids. it is something, and i am going to hang on tight. geog does something intentional to you. there is an obligation to commit when it is family. that can feel fatiguing on the front side but rewarding on the flip side (omg - that was the name of the teen dance club i frequented in the v early 80's).....or maybe mike and i were sheltered by mothers that gave gave gave, wrapped and cooked and cleaned and smiled and really wanted very little in return....i, in some ways feel myself going this way....the difference being mike is along for the ride willingly on vacay and begrudgingly at la maison....our moms did it solo and we were none the wiser. hmmmm. so maybe there is a correlation betwixt my joy and betrothed on holiday? doesn't hurt. he gives be present a new meaning.....god, now i feel like an under slept first year english TA screaming there is no thesis........so what do i say? thank you families. thank you for a wonderful wonderful summer. for a moment of time i know we were all present.
No comments:
Post a Comment