ohhhhhhhhhh canada

i feel like the datsun 510 that my bro and i drove ( i say that very loosely), the car that my friends learnt to drive standard on, that would not start first try but would continue running long after keys had been removed.....the car that i would crawl out of the hatch at the u of m - that's manitoba bitches - hollah....because the parking was too tight, the car that had the tape that connected to the walkman....u know what i am talking about........you do.... )yeesh - that all really sounds like a slightly dirty homage to myself - HOLLAH!

home after almost a month in the mother country and i am at sail without an anchor. it is a funny thing to consider living out your life in a country you were not born into. a strange dance that you engage in. this dance i dance is subtle, but it is there. maybe it is not so much the country as it is the people. or maybe it is both. we live, i feel in an insular enviro.....not of the choosing but of geography. both mike and i grew up with all kinds of family around. cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmas , grandpa, great this and that's, aunts that were not aunts but were moms bffs, lots and lots of misc wonderful people who were of all ages and talents that were drawn together. fuck. i have said it. it breaks my heart that my kids will never know this. i love mpls, i love our lives here, i LOVE our dear dear friends, but i yearn for the imposed chaos that geog brings you. i love that kids learn to see more than kids moms and dads........this feels very suburban to me, that which i have strived not to create. ugh......this brings me to canada. this is why we disappear to the north. we are dipping our children like a giant oreo cookie into a big glass of milk - into a big vat of "geography". this summer it was a month, next summer i hope longer. there is something magical that happens when it clicks.....when you see your kids talking to your aunt or your sister, when you see them connect. when you see them learn something, be it golf, or canoeing or the fact that the bag in the boxed wine can be used as a floatation device....oh wait, that is my youth.....hah! soon to pass along that nugget to my kids. it is something, and i am going to hang on tight. geog does something intentional to you. there is an obligation to commit when it is family. that can feel fatiguing on the front side but rewarding on the flip side (omg - that was the name of the teen dance club i frequented in the v early 80's).....or maybe mike and i were sheltered by mothers that gave gave gave, wrapped and cooked and cleaned and smiled and really wanted very little in return....i, in some ways feel myself going this way....the difference being mike is along for the ride willingly on vacay and begrudgingly at la maison....our moms did it solo and we were none the wiser. hmmmm. so maybe there is a correlation betwixt my joy and betrothed on holiday? doesn't hurt. he gives be present a new meaning.....god, now i feel like an under slept first year english TA screaming there is no thesis........so what do i say? thank you families. thank you for a wonderful wonderful summer. for a moment of time i know we were all present.

cynicism 101

i remember the day i was at my marketing internship at john wiley and sons (last respectable job btw unless you call simultaneous loly gagging & slave labour a career) and i was introduced to "stock photos". tabernacle! (also a little something from JWS) the veil was lifted. those smiling, frowning, toasting, laughing ect strangers had not posed just for my little bookie (that was before the intranet - WTF how did i get so old and WTF why have i been retired....whoa"retired" for so long........)but here was a very large book - a tome, not a tomb as i wanted to call it before the INTRANET! AND GOGGLE - why even educate yourself, just get goggle hard wired to your brain......( : smirk.......chalked full of these said photos - ripe for the taking. back lit staircase - check. laughing children - check. sleeping dog - check. it was all there and all catalogued! well, holy buckets, what a revelation. so now, not a day goes by where i do not look at said photos and think..yeah right. my cherry is gone, i am so on to you all. it really makes enjoying the adds in the sunday paper or really any slightly nebulous pics i come across hard to accept. maybe this is ok for the lot of you but not for i!!! so on a binge of healthy living declarations to myself and sleeping very lazy dog i decided to bookmark all my yoga studios so i was indeed ready for healthy living......that is when i came across this gem. yeah right mofo. healthy smealthy. i am having another glass of vino.

lucifer thy name is ikea

i went to catholic school most of my life and as such i believe i have a pretty good visual on satan, and satan, i believe runs ikea.

the kids are still in canada with my parents at "nana and grampa camp" - a high octane week of total merriment where my parents pretty much do a years worth of "we should do that with the kids" in one week. how lucky are we! i know you feel happy for us, really. i however usually loathe people with oh so helpful grandparents who whisk kids away and the adults have a night out with no counting hours drunkenly in car trying to figure out how much to pay.......anyways. also, know that i am crafting some witty reflections on our trip to canada - the first leg (we are going back on saturday for another week bc frankly my mosquito bites have healed and i am in alcohol withdrawal) was divine and full of all sorts of gong show (thanks to kristi for coining that) behaviour, family and fast boats ( all motorized for moi)

....so back to satan. inspired and emboldened by furniture experience with carrie (we put together 8000 pieces of cost plus misc that mike ordered after consuming too much wine), as well carrie put together a kick ass bedroom for her boys from ikea so i thought me casa e tu casa. i get to ikea and it is packed. i have always mused that you could use ikea like a preschool, have a little lunch (swedish meatballs are delish) browse ect and the ball room was in fact mayhem. i however went right up the escalator and frankly somewhat enjoyed my shopping experience. even packing my own flat bed and dumping it in the parking lot and running to get my car before someone stole my stack or ran over it, i smiled and hefted it into my car. i get it home and some of it into my house and start to build. i think i can do this! i am very intentional, i read and re read. the bookshelf is all together and i go to slip the back in and low and behold i have put the fucking shelves in the wrong place - wtf. of course mike comes home at this point and chortles. i walk away from the shelf and start on the drawers for the desk...i am not kidding i start at 5, have a quick dinner and am back at it (while watching nurse jackie which is great although jackie's hubby is miscast i believe - a tad too young) at 11 - yes 11 i put the drawers in and they do not fit!!!!! vika furusund i curse you. you know those cute/quirky pics of the ikea designers they have all over the store, the ones that say - i love simplicity, i have a bed and a couch and a funky lamp and am v organized and speak 5 languages - they are satan's minions. they work with him to craft this furniture so poor unsuspecting folks like me who are just trying to save a few bucks and not spend $500 on desk at pottery barn kids for an 8 year old buy it and self destruct- - why why why!! but i shall persevere! i will not succumb! i am going to build this shit if it takes me the rest of the summer and frankly i suspect it will......